‘When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the marketplace, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue.’
from ‘On Talking’ from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
It may be over a hundred years since Kahlil Gibran wrote his legendary book ‘The Prophet’, but so much of the wisdom therein remains relevant today. It addresses a wide range of human situations, concerns and guidance, and one of these is the prophet’s answer to a student’s request for him to speak of ‘Talking’.
I suspect that there would need to be some differences to this section today, particularly in respect of the statement, ‘You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts’. Social media has intervened massively here, because so many people now resort to tapping out their thoughts on X, WhatsApp or other networks, rather than resorting to speech. However, the great joy of talking is in the dialogue, not in the monologue: digital media can provide this by telephone or virtual meetings, but not via text messages, email or social media posts.
One surprise over the past week has been the extent to which Donald Trump has got into the art of conversation. His first one hundred days were full of ‘Fortress America’ stuff — closing down on migrants, shutting down free trade, telling allies to sort out their own defence — but in the last week with his trip to Saudi Arabia and Turkey we have seen a real willingness to engage in ‘Jaw, Jaw’ rather than ‘War, War’.
I'm sure his style of conversation hasn't changed, but the fact is that it's happening, and that’s very welcome. It can't be easy working in the Trump team — you never know whether today's resolute statements will be valid tomorrow; but he is at least talking, and other leaders such as Putin or Xi Jinping must be trying to work out how to deal with this thoroughly unconventional U.S. President.
But the art of conversation challenges us all, and particularly young people whose opportunity to exercise it has been severely curtailed by social media; the British Council has drawn attention to this, and other websites such as Teen-Wise provide easy-to-follow guidance.
One of the key reasons that The Share Foundation has introduced its Stepping Forward programme is to provide greater self-confidence and communication skills for young people in care, who so often have to contend with an adolescence full of insecurity and isolation. In due course we hope to introduce a version of this ‘Introduction to the Performing Arts’ for general access.
Meanwhile, let's revisit the Prophet’s response to that student’s request about ‘Talking’:
‘You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts; and when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
‘For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.
‘There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone. The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape.
‘And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand.
‘And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words. In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.
‘When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the marketplace, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue. Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear; for his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is remembered when the colour is forgotten and the vessel is no more.’
There are a couple of sentences which deserve a further look in the context of social media:
Firstly, ‘There are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand’. There are countless cases of words spilling out on social media which should not be there. In conversation, we are all aware of those times when things are said which should be kept confidential, but somehow when texting or WhatsApp-ing there is even less self-discipline, not only in what's said but also in respect of who is copied in. Pete Hegseth must have some regrets in this regard.
Secondly, ‘There are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words’. So many harbour great wisdom, but hold it within themselves: sometimes as a matter of discretion, but often because of a fear of reaction from others — and sometimes because they find it difficult to put their thoughts into words. Yet we do need to share wisdom, not just in order to help explaining the world and how it works, but also for projecting and debating our thoughts into the future. This is particularly important now that we hold such an influence over the conditions that our children and grandchildren will experience.
As a final thought, however, I do recommend taking care to listen and not just talk. This is particularly helpful when opening conversations with strangers: a casual inquiry about their lives does not need to pry into anything which might be embarrassing or confidential, but it will open a delight of information, because people love to talk about themselves. As a result of listening and responding, a dialogue flows and relationships deepen.
For many readers of these thoughts, they may seem like stating the obvious; but, for many young people whose heads are arched over their mobile devices as they tap away, these are skills worth developing in order to avoid isolation and insecurity.
This issue of our ‘Thought for the Week’ is rather special — our 400th since May 2017. However, in the context of today’s subject it's fair to accept that it is itself something of a monologue. We also need to think of ways of opening up for more debate!
Gavin Oldham OBE
Share Radio